dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
