I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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