ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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