Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
