What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
