I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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