I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
