you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
