The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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