the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
