I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I touched a dick in church today
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
