Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
