Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
