4 words: hood of his car
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.