i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack