My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
