More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
