His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
