I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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