I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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