You really coming over, don't trick.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
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