Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
