Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
