let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
