All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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