Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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