The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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