There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
