He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
