her vagine was all disorganized.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
