your parents love me but you hate me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
