im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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