she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.