Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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