Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
