Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.