We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.