Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.