so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
