After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
