1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
