I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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