I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
