you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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