you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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