my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
