everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
