You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
