I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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