we have pet lesbian snakes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
