please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
