She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
