I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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