i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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