they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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