can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
only if we run a train.
done.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They took my balls.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
