dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
