I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
