please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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