none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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