I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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