Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
