I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
