I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I forget how to act sober
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
