I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
