Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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