apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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