just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
