Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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