So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
