There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
