Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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