my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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