so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
