I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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