My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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