AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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