Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My hand turned me down
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
