Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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